You’ve been friendzoned, now what?

If you’ve never been friendzoned before, then consider yourself quite lucky. You’ve avoided the most disheartening yet respectful type of rejection to exist. There’s no other way to explain it apart from literally; the person you desire a romantic relationship with doesn’t feel the same and would prefer only a platonic relationship with you. Ouch.

As hurtful as it is, one mistake you don’t want to make is dealing with the situation with a wrong perception. The sad truth is that rejections are a part of life; they are normal. Everyone at one time or another will get rejected, one way or another, so what we want to do is to learn how to perceive and deal with them in a healthy manner.

And yes, I’ve been friendzoned before.

Understanding the Friendzone

Simply speaking, the friendzone is a scenario where one person desires a romantic relationship with another, but their feelings are not returned in kind. Instead, the other person sees them only as a friend. Now, many things can cause someone to be friendzoned, such as different preferences, bad timing in the approach, or the other person just not feeling that romantic spark.

You can desire someone with genuine intentions, and have a real interest in getting to know and be with them, and they will not feel the same. It happens. It’s just important to have in mind that it doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with you — it’s merely a matter of compatibility and emotions not aligning in the desired way.

Relationships aside, in many areas of our lives, we desire different things. When we go to the market to buy things like a new shoe, a gown, or a new phone, we have in mind exactly what we want. So, we tend to pay no attention to products that aren’t exactly what we had in mind to get, even if they are cheaper or readily available. This analogy can be applied to our subject matter, sometimes you’re just not what someone desires at that moment of their life, they would rather just remain friends with you. .

What do I do now?

I have no idea. We all deal with hurtful situations in our own ways, so I can’t tell you exactly how to deal with being placed in a friendzone by someone you really like.

What I can tell you not to do however is to bottle up your feelings or resort to extreme behaviors as a way to cope with the pain. Just like every other form of emotional discomfort, you must give yourself permission to feel and process these emotions.

Another thing I’d advise you not to do is to view being friendzoned as a personal failure. Not every connection or initial spark will blossom into a romantic relationship, and it’s perfectly normal. Therefore, it’s vital to respect the feelings of the other person, don’t try to pressure or manipulate them into changing their mind. Everyone has the right to choose their romantic interests, and even if it stings, you must respect the fact that it’s not you. Sometimes, a strong friendship can be valuable and rewarding in its own right.

Ironically, being rejected can be a very good opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. As cliché as it sounds, you can take this time to work on yourself, pursue your passions, and build your self-confidence. Do things that make you happy, meet new people, spend time with your friends, and don’t mope in self-pity, this will not only distract you from the pain of disappointment but also enhance your overall well-being as you try to move on.

Should we stay as friends?

That’s once again up to you. It’s very important to understand how best you deal with hurtful situations. If you decide to remain friends with the person who friendzoned you, I think that by establishing healthy boundaries, you can work on getting over your feelings while maintaining your friendship.

You can’t claim to be trying to get over someone who friendzoned you and still be texting them 24/7, spending intimate time with them, and acting like a romantic partner. Avoid putting yourself in situations that will reignite your feelings or lead to the other person reminding you of their decision to remain friends. That’s the only way the friendship can be balanced and fulfilling for both parties involved.

A personal plea; don’t let one rejection completely shut your mind off towards potential relationships in the future. Rejections don’t reflect on your worth as a person. Like established earlier, different people have diverse preferences and priorities when it comes to relationships. So that you weren’t the right person for him/her, doesn’t mean you won’t be the right person for someone else. Stay open-minded and be willing to explore new connections without carrying the baggage of past rejections.

Conclusion

From experience, I can tell you that being rejected hurts. Being friendzoned is different because you still get to have a relationship with the person, just not in the way you want. It can be a challenging experience. However, dealing with rejection became easier for me when I finally understood that it is an inevitable part of life, it will always happen.

By adopting this same view, you’d understand that rejections aren’t the end of the world. Relationships can be complicated, and feelings don’t always align as we wish, so just embrace your feelings, and learn from the experience. Respect the other person’s feelings and maintain healthy boundaries in the friendship, and in time you will move forward and once again be ready to embrace new possibilities in life and love.

P.S. — Remember that self-love is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so prioritize your well-being and happiness above all else.

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